The abuse that doesn’t always leave physical or evident cuts and bruises.
The silent abuse.
The abuse that isn’t identified as abuse simply because you aren’t left wounded and hurt.
Pay attention to how you’re treated
Pay attention to how you’re spoken to
Pay attention to how you’re loved on [ or the lack there of ]
Pay attention to their behaviors – the lack of consistency, care, and concern.
So many women deal with abuse on an every basis on different levels and from different people, unable to properly see the mistreatment as “abuse” because they are left unscathed, they are left untouched – because to them – as long as they are physically unharmed no abuse has actually taken place – but what happens when your soul begins to feel pain? You are no longer able to function properly because you are constantly being talked down to, made to feel less than, and your worth has been diminished by the hands of someone who is supposed to love you.
Recognize controlling behavior, threats of self harm, possessiveness over your life, livelihood and decision-making.
Please note: NOT ALL forms of abuse has to come from an intimidate partner.
Please Note: NOT ALL abuse leaves you with physical evidence.
Everyone’s idea of abuse is different, some women don’t acknowledge they are being abused simply because a fist isn’t involved – not realizing the factors that contribute to mental, emotional, and spiritual abuse. Someone putting you down, Someone not supporting you, judgement and ridicule to the point of discouragement (understand – that too, is a form of abuse). If at any point the person you’re with, makes your heart, spirit, soul or energy feel lower than what you felt coming in – baby, you are being abused.
Understand: Abuse also comes from friendships as well.
Understand: Abuse doesn’t always leave a physical mark.
So ok, here goes, when I was 18 (in between relationships) I dealt with someone – who – well – had a control and hand problem. There were obvious signs but I was young and stupid (and lacking self-worth) so of course I ignored them all. For instance, he would pick me up from work, when 1. I never formally told him where I worked (address and all) it was sort of in a passing conversation and I guess he google’d where it was (but again I was 18 young-stupid & lacking self-worth) so of course, I thought it was the cutest thing. 2. He constantly asked me who certain male friends/co-workers were and made smart remarks after… Bruh they were here before you (but again, young, stupid……) it wasn’t until one summer evening, hanging out, I had to leave and he decided to lock me in his room for about an hour… deep sigh….. after multiple events like that and finally a cute aggressive punch to the head… I finally walked away…. The thing was… I knew, had I told anyone in my family what happened, he probably wouldn’t be living to date…. But out of fear for mostly his life, I just kept it a secret and dealt with my own demons personally.
Anyway, ok, so that was my story.
I know so many women who’ve dealt with DV (Domestic Violence) and IPV (Intimate Partner Violence) … I’ll explain the difference… Domestic Violence which was a term used to specifically target women who are being abused by their husbands, however IPV expresses all person(s) who are in any type of intimate relationship dealing with forms of abuse. Persons in same-sex relationships/marriages often also deal with IPV.
So many women are afraid to speak out, are afraid to leave, are afraid to seek help… From the outside looking in, It’s so easy to look at a women who is dealing with DV • IPV as weak, as having low self-esteem, but what I’ve learned from working with people who are in these types of unfortunate situations, many of them have tried to leave only to result in being beaten way worse, many also have no support system and/or guidance, many aren’t sure of the resources that are out here for battered women and men, some have children with these men (which sadly enough should be an even easier reason to walk away), some – unfortunately the same man that’s beating them are their only “source of survival” so they would much rather take a beating and make sure their children eat, then fend for themselves and be left with nothing. So many women become accustomed to abuse, it becomes the norm. And to them – the only love they know is the love that leaves marks.
you are so strong.
you are so important.
you are so capable.
you are able.
Verbal/Emotional Abuse: If you ever find yourself in a situation with someone (whether that person is an intimate partner or not), think about a time that you’ve ever said to yourself “Your words cut like a knife”. If ever you find yourself in a situation where you are constantly talked down to, belittled, and/or degraded [ by words alone ] – if you are left feeling lower than what you started off with – begin recognizing the small signs of abuse.
Physical Abuse: The only form of abuse that many define as abuse – the black eye’s, the bruises, the apparent signs of neglect and mistreatment.
Sexual Abuse: Please understand you CAN be a victim of sexual assault even if you are already sexually active with the person violating you. Once your emotions are no longer attached, you are being forced, you put up a fight, or simply say “no” – you are a victim of sexual assault. You are not obligated to give up any parts of you that you are not willing to give – no matter if you’ve given them before.
Financial Abuse: Not being in full control of YOUR financial wellbeing – your economical means are at the hands of someone else and controlled by someone else. Another person should never be in complete jurisdiction over you.
Mental Abuse: The mind control – someone being so dominating over the way we think, we actually start to believe the false hopes and negative projection. The hate they spill onto you actually begins to become you. The feeling of humiliation and insecurity. Constantly targeting all blame on you. Keeping you caged in – to their restrains and restrictions.
Anything or anyone that in any way makes you feel or question your self-worth is not for you.
Consistency is key – and the signs of an abuser is always there. No matter if that abuse if physical or not.
Any situation that ultimately leaves you feeling inadequate – unworthy and devalued.
Is not the situation for you.