It’s such a hard thing to maintain healthy relationships with people who don’t mean you well. The biggest mistake we make is allowing EVERYONE to connect with parts of us that they haven’t proved worthy of being a part of. The most intimate parts that we ourselves have taken time to learn, love, and accept. The insecure parts that have kept us up at night – constantly jotting down ways on how we can easily improve the flaws that only we recognize.
I struggle with learning who I should allow in. Who is worthy of my space, time and energy. Sadly enough, I typically learn these lessons when it is to late, and I have moments of reflection and realization that “hummm maybe I shouldn’t have allowed this person in so easy, maybe I should have kept some things to myself”.. When you accept who you are – When you are comfortable with who you are – it is easy to want to connect with other beings, simply because you desire to spread light. However, everyone can’t and unfortunately shouldn’t be deserving.
Energy and time should be worked for, it should be valued – taken care of – and respected. The problem with that is most people haven’t acknowledged the respect they should have for themselves so it becomes impossible for them to share the desires of respect and love for us. Watch how the people we meet treat the people in their lives & most importantly watch how they treat themselves.
Please understand, the most important thing you have is your peace and peace of mind. Protect that, be weary of those who disturb your peace and energy. That is all you have.
There is no respect for others without humility in one’s self. -Henri Frederic Amiel
It’s okay to not be ok…….
At times we struggle with breaking down, believing a break down makes us weak and unable to function past pain… Most never express when they are having a breakdown because those moments are so private and intimate. When people hear “oh so and so had an emotional breakdown” the first thought that comes to mind that so nonchalantly rolls off their tongue is “they need help”…. as breakdowns are a natural reaction to excessive pressure, hurt, anxiety and simply trying to carry the weight of false strength on your slowest breaking back, why is it so easy for people to classify that as an emotional imbalance opposed to the normal human reaction of a person who just realizes they can’t take anymore, and they need that release, no matter how “dramatic” that release may be to the people from the outside looking in.
MENTAL ILLNESS & THE BLACK COMMUNITY
Growing up you never hear about mental illness, you never have open discussions around the dinner table about the cause of why someone in your family acts differently, those aren’t table talk. Most people even frown upon therapy, “Pray and Go to church” is the stereotypical solution to the black families problems.
Do you ever notice those cute little commercials for depression, mood disorders, sleep disorders (the list goes on)… Do you ever notice, majority of those commercials display the face of a non-minority? Is it because anything psychological only affects white people? Are we except from dealing with the realities of life?
Why do we (African-Americans) normalize pain and suffering – our resilience and strength is conspicuous and often taken advantage of, but why, are we so comfortable, accepting and/or tolerating pain • even when it becomes internal?
Maybe it has to do with our ancestors constantly dealing with being beaten on a daily basis we’ve subconsciously inherited the ability push forward.
An estimated 14.8 African-Americans are diagnosed with a mental disorder. Population which includes Incarceration, living below the poverty line, and/or drug/alcohol abuse. However African Americans are reported less likely to commit acts of suicide over any other race. African Americans are also reported to most likely be involved in a serious crime at least once in their lives as well as be a target for crime. Majority of babies in ACS are African Americans – all accounts which makes black folk 20% more likely to suffer from PTSD. Yet, still we choose to suffer in silence..
Pay attention to yourself, your patterns, and pay attention to when your body and spirit tells you to slow down. Pay attention to random moments of sadness… Acknowledge when things don’t feel “right”…. Find someone to talk to, but never feel “ok” with suffering alone.
YOU HAVE PERMISSION:
To take the time and space you need for you, without feeling guilty or forced.
To remove yourself from the things, people and places that no longer feel safe.
To create distance with the things, people and places that no longer bring you joy.
To care for your own health and well-being before caring for the health and well-being of others.
You have Permission to fail – Only if you realize the error of your trail and come back stronger.
To be a source of light to those in need, as long as that energy does not take away from the light within yourself.
To speak your truth. To live in your truth. Regardless of the opinions and thoughts of others.
To honor yourself without the need outside acceptance and approval.
To create paths that feel good to you.
Put your passions first.
Put yourself first.